


round and round and i never know why

by maiavalentine



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Everything is the same except that Iwaoi were arranged to be married, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Non-Linear Narrative, Very brief mention of Bokuaka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 16:33:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10666542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maiavalentine/pseuds/maiavalentine
Summary: Tooru's only real problem with being engaged to Hajime is that Hajime doesn't want to be engaged tohim.[written for the iwaoiexchange!]





	round and round and i never know why

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pallasjoanna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pallasjoanna/gifts).



> written for pallasjoanna for the iwaoiexchange! you gave me so many lovely prompts that i had a hard time choosing, but i hope i did alright with this one. ♥ i'm sorry that this is a little late, but i hope that you'll like it regardless!

* * *

 

"Naoko and I have been talking," Tooru's mother said, "and we think a September wedding would be best. I want to take you in to the fortune teller before we pick an exact date, but it's exciting to have the month pinned down, isn't it?"

Tooru felt something in his stomach tighten, a sensation that had grown more and more familiar over the past couple months, but smiled and nodded in response. "Sure. Do you need any help with dinner?"

"No, that's alright. Anyway, I know it's almost a year away, but we should go shopping around for a suit soon. It'll give us plenty of time to have alterations made, and-"

It wasn't really his mother's fault, but he could feel anxiety starting to climb its way up his throat the longer he was made to think about his upcoming wedding and he _really_ wasn't in the mood. "Sorry, mom," he interrupted, looking up with his best apologetic pout. "I just remembered I have to finish writing an important e-mail before seven-- can we talk about this later?"

She sighed, but he could already feel the tension in his body starting to ease when she nodded. "Of course. Just try to get it done before dinner? I don't want you sneaking leftovers to your room later."

"I would never," he said in a sing-song voice before making his escape.

Once he was safely in his room, he flopped back onto his futon and let out a breath he hadn't even realized he was holding, bringing the palms of his hands up to press against his eyes. He briefly considered calling Hajime and complaining, but at this point he was pretty sure that talking to his fiance about it would only make him feel worse.

Even though they'd been best friends for as long as he could remember, the subject of their engagement had always been an awkward one between them; their parents had arranged it before they could even walk, and it hadn't exactly gone over well when they told them about it. _Hajime_ certainly tried to pretend like it wasn't happening, so Tooru generally did his level best not to bring it up. There _had_ been the odd mentions here and there throughout junior high and high school, usually by one of their mothers (and Tooru could remember how instantaneous Hajime's discomfort had been each time), but it had seemed for a couple of blissful years like everyone had forgotten about it.

Then, shortly after Tooru's twenty-fourth birthday, he realized how foolish he'd been. The marriage talk had come back with a vengeance, only now, instead of vague comments about how nice the wedding would be or what a good match they were, there were concrete _plans_ being made.

He wasn't sure which was worse: the fact that he would soon have an exact date for when their friendship would be ruined, or the fact that he was supposed to act _excited_ about it.

 

☼

 

"It's not going to ruin your friendship," Akaashi said. "Quit being melodramatic." Tooru huffed and took a large bite out of his curry bread, wishing not for the first time that Makki and Mattsun hadn't gone off to Kyoto for university. He liked to think that they'd have been at least a _little_ more sympathetic than Akaashi.

"You don't understand," he said, waving his free hand dismissively. "You got to choose who you married, you _know_ Kou-chan wants to be with you." Akaashi glanced at him for a moment, appearing unimpressed, and shrugged.

"I was under the impression that you _do_ want to be with Iwaizumi-san."

Despite having befriended him a couple years ago, his bluntness still managed to catch Tooru off guard sometimes. "That's neither here nor there," he said, attempting to will away the heat in his cheeks. "I know for a fact that Iwa-chan doesn't want to be with _me_." For the first time since their conversation began, Akaashi looked a little surprised.

"He's told you that?" he asked, eyes narrowed.

"Not...exactly, but I know. Trust me. And I know that if he's forced to marry me, he's going to end up hating me for it. I mean, it's natural, right? Wouldn't _you_ end up hating something if you were forced into it?"

There was a small pause before Akaashi answered, the expression on his face not unlike the one Tooru always saw when he was trying to calculate the best response to one of Koutarou's mood swings. "I think," he said, "that you should talk to Iwaizumi-san before you go deciding things on your own." It was a perfectly frustrating and unhelpful response, but really, Tooru knew it was his own fault for expecting anything better.

 

☼

 

The summer they turned thirteen, Tooru came down with a nasty flu. There was something particularly awful about being sick when it was so hot outside, feeling almost constantly like he couldn't breathe. His fan was running nonstop and his mother set him up with ice packs every couple hours or so, but the only thing that brought him any comfort was Hajime.

He wasn't _supposed_ to see Tooru then; his mother insisted that he was too contagious to have any visitors, and he'd just have to wait until he was better to play with Hajime again. She had no idea that Hajime had simply snuck in through his window at night after everyone else went to sleep, where they'd talk in hushed whispers until Tooru was too tired to keep his eyes open. Or, well, _Hajime_ would talk and Tooru would fight through the exhaustion to try and listen.

"You have to get better quick," Hajime had told him on one of those nights, his elbows resting on Tooru's bed and his chin pillowed in his hands. "Practice has been way too weird without you. Yamada is a good setter, I guess, but we can't get our timing right no matter what we do. I always know exactly what you're thinking and where you're going to put the ball, but I can never tell with him. It's really annoying."

It probably wasn't meant to make him so happy, but Tooru couldn't help laughing, which felt good even when the laughter turned into a coughing fit that put a worried expression on Hajime's face until it finally subsided.

"What're you laughing for, stupid? Don't you already have a hard time breathing?" he'd said, thrusting a glass of water at him and eyeing him warily until he'd drunk most of it.

"I didn't do it on _purpose_ , Iwa-chan," he'd croaked out. "It's your fault for making me laugh in the first place."

Hajime had rolled his eyes in response, which Tooru knew even when he couldn't actually see it because Hajime had a way of somehow making his eye rolls _audible_. "Whatever. You should go to sleep, I'll just go--"

" _No_ ," he'd whined, reaching out to grab Hajime's arm before he could even move. "I don't want you to go yet." His plea was met with a heavy sigh, but Hajime made no moves to get up.

"You're so pathetic when you're sick," he'd said. "You'd probably cry if I _did_ leave."

Tooru's indignant 'I would _not_ ' was ignored, which he'd only allowed because there were no harsh edges to Hajime's voice in the first place. They'd talked quietly for a little while longer (Hajime didn't bring up practice again), until Tooru finally stopped fighting the exhaustion and fell asleep; Hajime didn't leave until sometime after that.

It was the first time, in the moments before he fell asleep, that Tooru could remember having the conscious thought that he would be happy spending the rest of his life like this, with Hajime always at his side.

 

☼

 

There was almost nothing that Tooru was afraid to talk to Hajime about, a natural result of growing up knowing almost everything about each other. Topics that seemed embarrassing or weird to others came up between them fairly easily, even if Hajime occasionally put on a show of being annoyed or grossed out. The thing about Hajime that most people probably wouldn't guess on first glance was that he was startlingly considerate; he knew exactly where the invisible line was, where to stop or dial it back when the things he said might hurt Tooru. Sometimes he knew what was bothering him even if he didn't say a word about it, and he always knew when to press him into talking about it and when to let him be.

Their engagement, however, was a very special and awful sort of beast to tackle, not in the least because it was the one thing Hajime seemed totally unwilling to discuss. Tooru had tried to bring it up with him once or twice back in high school, wanting to have a conversation about it that did _not_ involve other family members chiming in with their opinions, but Hajime had shut him down before it could really get off the ground.

The truth was, Tooru knew that they didn't _need_ to have conversation about it. He knew how Hajime felt and he knew what would make him happy, even if he wouldn't do it himself. He was a dutiful son like that, Tooru thought, too good to throw their families' years of planning back in their faces. It wasn't that Tooru didn't consider _himself_ a dutiful son, either, but Hajime's happiness rested a little higher on his list of priorities than their duty to their families.

Besides, he knew that the reason _he_ hadn't gone through with this sooner had nothing to do with disappointing his parents; he was honest enough with himself to admit that he'd just been too selfish to try.

He called Hajime and cheerfully asked him if he'd mind coming over tomorrow, thankful that he couldn't see the way his leg was shaking when he said he would. Though after a couple minutes of small talk he was almost convinced that he'd _heard_ it, because there was no mistaking the concern in Hajime's voice when he asked, "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't it be?"

Hajime hadn't sounded entirely convinced when they hung up, but he hadn't pushed any further, either. It was a small blessing, considering the conversation that was to come, but Tooru was grateful.

 

☼

 

Tooru could never really pinpoint the exact moment he knew he was in love with Hajime. It often seemed to him like he had been for his whole life and just didn't have a name for it until he was older. Loving Hajime was such an integral part of him, one of the few things he'd never questioned or picked apart; it was strange to think that there could be any _one_ moment where he knew. When he was little it never occurred to him that there'd be any reason for them to be apart in the future, and for just a few seconds after their mothers told them about the arrangement, Tooru had been utterly relieved that they were _expected_ to stay together.

One of the worst things about their engagement --perhaps _the_ worst-- was that it made Tooru happy.

 

☼

 

"I've decided to call it off," Tooru said, not quite meeting Hajime's eyes. "The wedding, I mean. I was going to go through with it to make our moms happy, but I just don't think I could handle waking up next to your grumpy face every day."

The sigh of relief that he'd expected to hear never came; in fact, Hajime was oddly quiet. Did he think Tooru was joking? Was he, in an uncharacteristic moment of thoughtfulness, trying to figure out a nice way to say that he wouldn't be able to handle waking up next to _him_ every day, either? Either way, it was making Tooru nervous, so he continued to talk and forced himself to sound more chipper. "I'm sure they'll be mad at us for a little bit, but they'll get over it. I mean, _I'll_ be taking most of the heat, so I expect you to buy me dinner for at _least_ the next six months to make up for it. I know it's tragic to lose out on marrying someone as gorgeous as me, though, so maybe I'll let you off with only five."

When Hajime neither scoffed nor threatened to hit him, Tooru finally looked at him, desperately needing to know what was going through his mind. The expression on his face, however, was nearly impossible to read, making him feel like he'd missed a step while walking up the stairs. For the first time since he'd started talking, he let the smile slide off his face. "Iwa-chan?"

The cloud that had settled over his features didn't leave, but that at least seemed to snap him out of the weird silence. "Yeah? Yeah, whatever, that's fine. Is that all you wanted to talk about?"

Smiling as brightly as he could in proportion to how lost he suddenly felt, Tooru nodded. "Yep. Why, do you have a hot date? You really should have waited until _after_ I broke up with you, you know-- it's just tacky, otherwise." Hajime rolled his eyes and that should have made him feel better, but instead it just made things feel more _off_.

"I've been working on getting some things done, dumbass. You could have just called me."

"Iwa-chan! A gentleman _never_ breaks up with someone over the phone."

"Right. I'm gonna get going, then."

"Fine, fine. You could have at least _pretended_ to be upset about it-- I really am quite a catch." He wasn't prepared for Hajime to look almost _angry_ at that, his mouth falling open like he was about to say something, but perhaps some of Tooru's confusion showed on his face because he hastily snapped it shut again. A beat passed and Hajime exhaled, but it did nothing to ease the tension in the atmosphere.

"Don't be stupid. I'll see you later, Shittykawa."

It wasn't until after Hajime was already gone that Tooru realized his throat felt impossibly tight. Something had gone wrong there, but he couldn't figure out what; it had never gone this badly in his head. He took a couple deep breaths and waited about fifteen minutes before he pulled out his phone and started texting.

**19:42**

_everything ok? you were acting weird earlier ( ; ´ Д_ _`)_

The response didn't come until almost twenty minutes later, the knots in Tooru's stomach growing larger as he tried not to just stare at the screen until a new message popped up.

_**~iwa-chan~** _

**20:01**

_yeah, sorry, just don't feel good_

**20:03**

_don't worry about it_

Somehow, he didn't feel reassured.

 

☼

 

They were eleven when their mothers called them into Tooru's living room and had them sit across the table to 'talk about something serious'. Though both women were smiling, Tooru and Hajime had shared a look in quiet agreement that they would _not_ admit to anything unless undeniable proof of their wrongdoing was given first. If Hajime's mother mentioned anything about a broken flower pot, they would just feign ignorance; Tooru was pretty sure that no one else knew it was the result of a bug hunt gone wrong.

"Hajime, Tooru, do you know what it means to be engaged?" Hajime's mother had asked, her hands clasped neatly in her lap. That certainly hadn't been the question they were expecting, but Tooru nodded and tried not to laugh when Hajime shook his head. He almost leaned over to whisper that it was okay, Tooru was the brains between them anyway, but a sharp look from his mother had made him think better of it.

"It means that you've agreed to marry someone, so that you both know you want to be together even if it'll be sometime before you're married," she explained. "Sometimes, your family can help you with an engagement so that you make sure you marry the right person. Does that make sense?"

That time, Tooru found himself just as confused as Hajime, but he nodded anyway; he didn't like admitting when he didn't know something. Hajime's mother gave him a knowing smile (sometimes she seemed to know Tooru in ways that even his own mother didn't), and continued, "When you two were little, we decided it would be a good idea for you to get married when you're older. We had a big talk about it between our families and everyone agreed it'd be the best for both of you. It'll be a long time before it happens, but we wanted to tell you now so that you have time to get used to it."

Honestly, Tooru hadn't thought much about the idea of getting married before; it had never seemed important or interesting to him. He knew, though, that when you married someone you were supposed to spend your whole lives with them, and the idea of spending his whole life with Hajime sounded pretty nice. They could play volleyball together as much as they wanted, go on all the adventures they always talked about that you could only do when you were an adult, and Hajime even knew how to cook, which was good because Tooru couldn't--

"I don't wanna marry Oikawa!" Hajime exclaimed, and every thought in Tooru's mind came to a screeching halt. He'd turned to look at him, took in the bright red of his cheeks and the way his eyebrows slanted down just like they did when Tooru took the last piece of daifuku that he'd been eyeing. Was he really that upset?

"Hajime! Don't say that," his mother had scolded, frowning.

"Why not?" he'd demanded. "I don't! If we have to act like you and dad, that's _gross_."

Tooru could never remember exactly what Hajime's mother had said in response to that, because for a few moments all he was aware of was the rush of heat to his face and the sudden swell of hurt in his chest. Without looking at Hajime or either of their mothers, he'd jumped up and said, "Well I don't wanna marry Iwa-chan, either, 'cause whoever I marry can't be ugly!" He'd dashed to his room before his mother could properly scold him and flung himself onto his bed, burying his face in his pillow. So what if Hajime didn't want to marry him? Why should that bother him?

If anyone had asked him then, he wouldn't have been able to explain why he started crying; that answer wouldn't come to him for another couple years.

 

☼

 

It had been two weeks since Tooru told Hajime that the engagement was off and he'd barely heard anything from him since. All his texts were met with short responses, if he responded at all, and the few times he'd tried to call him, Hajime had answered in clipped tones, "Sorry, I really can't talk right now, I'll call you back later." He didn't, though, and Tooru wasn't stupid enough to not realize that he was being blown off; he just didn't know why.

"It doesn't make any sense, Mattsun. Why would he be mad at me for doing what he's always wanted?" He cradled the phone between his ear and his shoulder, trying unsuccessfully to save the tofu that was burning away in his pan. _God_ he hated cooking.

"You're gonna have to be a lot less vague, Oikawa, or I'm not gonna be able to help you," Matsukawa replied. Tooru pouted and carried his pan to the sink.

"Can't you just read my mind instead?"

"Sorry, I'm not Iwaizumi, so-- oi, Takahiro, don't--" Tooru could hear a loud clatter on the other end, "--shit. Well, I guess we're having takeout tonight. Anyway, just give me the short version or something?"

Plopping himself down on the couch, Tooru recounted what had happened as quickly as he could, proud of himself when his voice didn't waver even once. There was silence on the other end for a good thirty seconds before Matsukawa asked, sounding incredulous, "Why did you do that?"

Feeling a bit defensive, Tooru said, "Because I was trying to do him a favor, Mattsun, weren't you listening?"

"Are you sure _he_ thinks it's a favor?"

"Well, yeah, why wouldn't he?" Even as he said it, a thread of doubt entered his thoughts. He certainly hadn't _acted_ like Tooru had done him any favors, and there hadn't been even a hint of relief in his voice or on his face when Tooru told him he was ending the engagement.

Despite his earlier claims, Matsukawa's answer made him feel an awful lot like he'd peered right into Tooru's thoughts. "Judging by what you've told me, I'm going to guess that for _whatever reason_ , he doesn't. And I think that you should ask him how he feels instead of making all these assumptions, you know? I get that you two have been attached at the hip since you were like, toddlers, but that doesn't mean you know everything that's going on in his head."

Instinct made Tooru want to protest that he _did_ , but he managed to bite back the urge. "I've tried to talk to him before-- he doesn't want to."

"He said that? He told you, in those exact words, that he didn't want to talk about it?"

"Yes! Well, not in those _exact_ words, but--"

Matsukawa let out a sigh so heavy that one might have thought he was Atlas having the world placed on his shoulders. "I don't have the money to take the train home and kick your ass, Oikawa, so just _talk to him_ and figure it out, okay? Anyway, food's here, so I need to get going. Good luck, captain." Tooru barely got out a 'bye' before the line dropped, and in a moment of petulance he simply threw his phone at the cushion next to him. What did he have to do to get a friend who _wouldn't_ give him annoyingly cryptic advice?

(He tried not to think about the fact that Hajime had always been the one who was unfailingly straightfoward with him.)

 

☼

 

Their engagement came up exactly once in private conversation, during their first year of high school. Tooru was spending the night at Hajime's, curled up on the futon next to him after a marathon of their favorite movies. He wasn't sure why, but he couldn't stop thinking about something he'd seen the other day at school, something he was sure Hajime didn't know he'd seen.

"I saw Eri-chan hand you a letter at lunch, you know," he said, trying his best to sound conversational. "Were you ever going to get around to telling me that you have a girlfriend, Iwa-chan?"

He felt Hajime flinch beside him, proving that he _hadn't_ realized anyone had seen them, but his tone was perfectly causal when he responded. "I don't. She confessed and I turned her down, not that it's any of your business, Trashykawa."

Ignoring the sense of relief those words brought him, he gave a horrified gasp. "Of _course_ it's my business-- you're my fiance, Iwa-chan. I have a right to know if people are confessing to you, don't I?" The atmosphere seemed to change as soon as the word 'fiance' left his lips, but he tried to ignore that, too. "Or do you plan on dating people in secret behind my back? Because if that's the case, you're more of a brute than I thought."

"Shut up," Hajime said, voice extra gruff as he elbowed him in the ribs. "I wouldn't do that."

"Sure, you say that now, but what if--"

"I _won't_ , oh my god."

"Well, good." Had Tooru left it there, things may have been alright, but he couldn't resist asking a question that had, truth be told, been niggling at the back of his mind for almost five years. "Do you ever wish you had the choice, though? I mean, I know I _have_ , so I'm sure you have, too." That was a lie, but Tooru had figured it was a pretty harmless one in the long run if it prevented Hajime from finding out just how content he was with their engagement. He'd turned to look at him then, curious and nervous at the same time, but the way he'd stiffened beside him left little room for optimism.

"I dunno," he'd muttered. "Does it matter?" He wouldn't look Tooru in the eye, and the uneasy frown on his face seemed to tell him everything he needed to know. Swallowing back disappointment, he gave a one-shouldered shrug and smiled.

"Guess not. Anyway, I'm exhausted, so let's go to sleep, okay? I need my beauty rest."

Hajime snorted, but Tooru could feel the tension still lingering in his body. "If _that's_ what you wanna call it. Night, Oikawa."

"Good night, Iwa-chan."

 

☼

 

For the next two days, Tooru replayed every conversation he'd had with Hajime about their engagement in his head, analyzing them the way he would analyze the tapes of their rivals' games. They'd seemed so straightfoward the first, third, and seventh times he thought about them, but there _had_ to be something he was missing. If Hajime wasn't upset about the prospect of marrying him, then why did he seem so uncomfortable whenever it was brought up? And Akaashi and Matsukawa had both acted so surprised when he told them that Hajime didn't want to marry him-- why? What could they _possibly_ think they knew that Tooru didn't?

It wasn't until he was lying in bed trying to sleep that the answer presented itself, clear as a bell.

Shooting out of his bed with a sudden burst of energy, Tooru yanked open his drawers and quickly got dressed, running his fingers through his hair in lieu of giving it a proper combing. It was okay if he looked like a mess; it was nearly eleven o'clock at night, he doubted that anyone who saw him would think anything of it. Grabbing his wallet and phone, he nearly ran to the front door and slipped his shoes on, though he made sure to close the door quietly behind him when he left.

The nearest convenience store was a fifteen minute walk away, but he felt so light on his feet that he was sure he would make it in five.

 

☼

 

Hajime bought him a six pack of beer for his twentieth birthday, which they'd shared between them that night in Tooru's backyard. Tooru was feeling a pleasant buzz two cans in, leaning against Hajime and laughing at everything the other said. Hajime kept laughing, too, a deep, beautiful sound that would have made Tooru feel warm even if there had been no alcohol involved.

"Thanks for spending my birthday with me, Iwa-chan," he'd said at one point, nuzzling a bit into his shoulder.

"Why're you thanking me?" Hajime asked, sounding amused. "I spend it with you every year, don't I?"

"And I've never thanked you for it," Tooru said, feeling as though that settled the matter. Hajime seemed to agree, or at least didn't want to argue, because he simply hummed in response that time, resting his head against Tooru's. Without thinking about it, Tooru had groped around for Hajime's hand, pleased with himself when he found it and threaded their fingers together. At the time, he also hadn't thought anything of the fact that Hajime's only reaction was to give his hand a small squeeze. It had simply felt natural.

 

☼

 

"It's midnight, Shittykawa, what the hell are you doing?"

Hajime's grumpiness probably wasn't unwarranted, considering that it was _indeed_ midnight and Tooru had just knocked on his window for a solid minute, but he was far too impatient to care. Not bothering to respond just yet, he elbowed Hajime out of the way and climbed in through his window, a feat that wasn't _quite_ as easy as it had been when they were kids, especially with a grocery bag in one hand, but he managed all the same. He was pretty confident that he could accomplish _anything_ right about now.

Brushing himself off a bit, he looked up to see Hajime staring at him expectantly, arms crossed over his chest. "What?" Tooru said, crossing his arms right back. "I wasn't about to have a conversation with you while I was still _outside_."

"Well you're in here now, so can you tell me why this couldn't wait until I _wasn't_ sleeping?" Hajime finally seemed to notice the bag he was carrying and narrowed his eyes. "What's that for?"

Tooru tutted and set the bag down on his bed, then wagged a finger at him. "One question at a time, Iwa-chan. Close your eyes and hold out your hands." The incredulous look Hajime gave him was impressive, so Tooru resisted the urge to roll his eyes and said, "Please?"

With no small amount of grumbling, Hajime did as he was asked. Smiling, Tooru reached into his bag and pulled out a small Godzilla figure that had been sitting in the clearance section of the store, and proudly placed it in Hajime's hands. When he opened his eyes, it was hard to say whether he looked more confused or irritated. "What--"

Before he had a chance to get _too_ much angrier, Tooru cut him off. "All the jewlery stores are closed this late at night, Iwa-chan, so I didn't have a whole lot of options to choose from. They don't actually sell plastic rings in your size, so I thought about getting you a donut, since that's ring- _shaped_ , but that's not a very good symbol of everlasting love when you'd just eat it right away. They _did_ have a cool Gundam keychain, but Godzilla was cheaper and I figured you wouldn't mind." Just as he'd planned, all the anger had drained out of Hajime's expression, leaving only confusion in its place.

"What are you talking about?"

"Hajime, will you marry me?"

The silence that followed was so intense that for a brief, terrible moment, Tooru wondered if he'd been wrong, if his original interpretations had been correct all along. Swallowing hard, he added, "That wasn't a rhetorical question, you know."

Several things seemed to happen all at once: first, the Godzilla figure slid to the floor with a soft thunk; second, Hajime closed the distance between them so quickly that Tooru couldn't even remember seeing him move; third, Hajime kissed him-- _hard_. Somewhere in the middle of all that, he was sure he'd heard a 'yes'.

They stumbled backwards onto the bed, Hajime falling on top of him, and Tooru wrapped his arms around his neck, grinning so wide that they had to stop kissing; to Tooru's delight, Hajime was grinning, too. Still, that only lasted a couple of seconds before Tooru dragged him back down, initiating kisses that were much slower, though no less passionate. One of Hajime's hands was on his hip, squeezing gently every time Tooru licked at the roof of his mouth or let out a tiny moan, and Tooru wondered how he could have ever doubted what it was that Hajime felt for him.

When they finally broke apart for good, panting softly, Hajime pressed his forehead against Tooru's for a long moment, then shifted to lay on his side. His hair was more of a mess than usual, sticking out in all sorts of directions, and there were bags under his eyes that Tooru hadn't noticed at first, but he wasn't sure that he'd ever seen him look more handsome than he did now. "I love you," he said, almost surprised by how easily the words came out when he'd spent such a long time keeping them locked away.

And then Tooru stood corrected, because the smile Hajime gave him in response made him look postively _stunning_. "I love you, too."

A comfortable silence fell between them for awhile as they got settled, ending up with Tooru resting his head on Hajime's chest and running his fingers up and down one of his arms. Hajime was the first to speak, asking the question that Tooru was embarrassed to answer now. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

Pouting, Tooru said, "I thought you hated it."

"What?" Hajime lifted his head, and his tone reminded him _so_ much of Akaashi and Matsukawa's when they'd asked if Hajime had _really_ said he didn't like it that Tooru almost refused to look at him. "Why?"

"Because you said so," Tooru reminded him. "Remember, when our moms told us? You said it was _gross_."

"I was _eleven_ !" Hajime's brow was furrowed in disbelief, his expression almost comical. "I thought _anything_ related to marriage was gross, dumbass, like a _lot_ of eleven-year-olds do."

Prickling at that reaction, Tooru shot back, "Then why did you always act so uncomfortable when it got brought up later? What did you _expect_ me to think?"

Hajime blinked. "I was uncomfortable because I thought _you_ didn't like it."

Well, Tooru certainly hadn't expected _that_. Now it was his turn to look at Hajime in disbelief, combing through everything he'd ever done or said that could possibly lead him to that conclusion. "You-- what? How?"

"You never brought it up after our moms told us, and _you_ always looked upset when they mentioned it. The one time you did talk about it, you said you'd wished you could have chosen differently."

"I was _lying_ ," Tooru said, feeling irrationally like that should have been obvious the whole time. For a moment Hajime just stared at him, mouth hanging open, but then he started to laugh. Tooru let himself be offended for just a few seconds more before he started laughing, too. He wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, probably _much_ too long for something that was so tragically unfunny, but he supposed they could always blame it on the hour. When their laughter finally subsided, Tooru gave Hajime a light peck on the lips and laid his head back down on his chest.

"I don't know about you," he said, "but I've barely gotten any sleep in the past few weeks, so I think I'm going to pass out until at _least_ noon tomorrow, okay?"

"Sounds like a plan to me," Hajime said, squeezing his shoulder. "But you're buying us lunch when we wake up."

Already drifting off, Tooru merely made a noise to signal his assent and pressed himself closer to his fiance, falling asleep faster than he had in months --maybe years-- now that he knew Hajime would be right next to him when he woke up.

 

 


End file.
